Sex

It’s an inseparable part of the Dance of the Thrashing Dragon. With a name like Rabbit, everyone expects it to be a large part of my search for enlightenment. It is, of course, but it’s hard for anyone else to understand why.

Each of us strive for that perfection of spirit which will atone for our past mistakes or misdeeds and free us from our curse. For those who are patient and wise and who survive in the World of Darkness, we may become bodhisattvas and reach the Hundred Clouds. It’s no accident that we call the moment of orgasm the Clouds and Rain. In the east we have long known what the westerners repressed; that the moment of transcendent ecstasy is a tiny, fleeting glimpse of nirvana.

Even the Shadow Songs know this. Second only to the Dancing Dragons, the Bone Flowers are the great seducers of the gaki. You will probably doubt that right up until you become the target of their cold, mysterious, allure. Personally, I hope some Bone Flower finds a reason choose me. They say that there are even tantric postures buried in the Yin Prana katas and more of them than you might think take their tenet to kiss the ghosts in their shrouds quite seriously and literally.

So, if those who listen to Song of Shadow echo within their black metal eggs can see enlightenment in that finite moment of bliss, then how much more might those who seek to learn the ways and secrets of life learn from such an experience?

Seven Beasts takes me as her lover, as she has certainly done with all the students who came before me. I am astonished at how much there is to learn just about making love. I memorize the karma sutra, the ­­ananga ranga, and other texts, plus volumes of books and scrolls written by gaki and containing positions, postures, and techniques that mortals have never imagined and sometimes cannot even physically accomplish.

I think of all the nights that I stayed so late at the lab before my death, only to come home and find Miko having fallen asleep waiting for me. I remember finding her sleeping in lacy things or leather, candles burned down to stubs and soft music playing on repeat. Did I even notice back then? It’s practically a miracle we conceived Taka.

I feel like I need to punish myself to make it up to her or something and I’m quite tempted to substitute a night with my voluptuous sensei for the cold kisses of a blade. But Seven Beasts-san does not allow it. She reminds me that I have been to hell and that I have been punished. The only way to atone and escape my state is to move on. All I can do is to swear to myself not to make the same mistake again.

It occurs to me that I cheated myself at least as much as I did my wife. I did not even let myself feel what she did. I deprived her of the chance to make love to her husband; I deprived myself of the desire to make love at all.

Seven Beasts takes my to the mansion-haven of Jade Snake, an established jina of the dharma. I spend several days learning the arts of bondage and masochism. The pain and pleasure remind me of my night with Sweet Swallow’s Song-san, but I have already decided that was not quite my path. I don’t think I’ll return to Jade Snake-san’s hospitality for more, but I cannot say I learned nothing.

As my confidence grows I know that there is something else that I must learn and experience. It has never been uncommon for men to find pleasure with men, or women with women in Japan. In fact, it was sometimes practiced by samurai with young boys under their care, the idea being that a boy could inherit some of an older warriors virility and power by taking their seed. I’d say that I’m not gay, or even bisexual, but then again, I’ve never really thought about it before. My instinct is to shy away from it, not because of the westerners blind revulsion, but out of disinterest. It takes very little experimentation to conclude that I am not aroused by men.

But at the same time I still find myself drawn to Flaring Grin. Will I ever be as vibrant and alive as he is? Like a young samurai, perhaps I can learn at his feet.

I choose a night when the Thousand Ri Scouts have been allowed to take me out of the Court. Yedo looks so different now… There is a spa outside the small city of Anjiro, and the Uji finds it a relaxing place to think and teach. I try not to be hesitant, after all I have been to hell and back, why be afraid to ask for this favor?

Flaring Grin thinks it over carefully. I am glad he is not taking it lightly, though his smile never entirely leaves his face. He agrees to grant my request but decides that Joko-san will stay with us. I haven’t met her before now, and I’m not sure what she is to Flaring Grin-san. A lover without a doubt, an assistant of some kind possibly, but I don’t know what the relationship is. I’m glad for her presence and her beauty, it will make this easier.

I actually find myself enjoying the evening. Joko-san was obviously a product of Jade Snake-san’s teaching, and I wonder how she met Flaring Grin. She handles both of us well as we both take her. I feel a closer kinship to Flaring Grin as we share his lover, but I’m afraid I’ll loose sight of why I came as we enjoy the woman. I touch Flaring Grin, his strange, bleached hair, his shoulder, his arm. I’m not aroused by him, but I explore the feelings I do experience. When Joko and I have reached the Clouds and Rain and it is Flaring Grin’s moment I am actually excited. Joko moves aside and I swallow it all.

I am not sure if I want to repeat the night, but I am glad it happened. I allowed myself to move beyond what I thought I was capable of. Perhaps it’s small, but I feel like I have taken a step. Perhaps Flaring Grin-san and Joko-san will invite me back. I am done on my knees, but there a thousand other positions, much more to learn and Joko-san is quite pretty.